My apartment comes with free cable, but I’ve never hooked my TV up to it. I do enough time wasting, brain damaging activities as it is and I don’t feel the need to add celebreality programing to that list. The only thing that tempts me to connect up that cable would be so I could watch Austin’s incredibly eclectic public access channel. My first experience was turning it on at my girlfriend’s house only to discover an S&M cooking show. Wait, I’m sorry, a VEGAN S&M cooking show. I shit you not. Pulp Fiction gimp style fetish ware, a submissive man servant, and a live goat running around the kitchen. All that and it’s not even close to being Austin Public Access’ best cooking show.
That title belongs to the weird world of the Cola Sister’s Cooking Good. Arcie and Shasta, otherwise known as the Cola Sisters, are basically a country fried version of Absolutely Fabulous, except with more T&A and green screen effects. Here is their new intro, which is pretty amazing even though I liked the old song better:
Under the pretense of instructing viewers on how to make delicious meals, Shasta and Arcie shoot the shit about David Icke style conspiracy theories, how long Dick Cheney’s lizard heart will last, and whether or not there are lots of pagans at SXSW. Normally, public access shows that are purposefully trying to be funny are unbearable, but the Cola Sisters have the amazing ability to remain dead pan just enough so that the accidental channel surfer who stumbles across their show will be completely convinced and weirded the fuck out. Here are the Cola Sisters interviewing another straight faced nutjob, The Room’s Tommy Wiseau:
Tuesday night at the Austin Art Authority the Cola Sisters debuted their masterstroke, Toning For The Tribulations. What Strange Brew is to SCTV, Toning For The Tribulations is to Cooking Good. Now available on DVD, Toning is an hour long work out designed to get you in shape for the end times. Watching the premier last night while the Cola Sisters worked out live in person, I realized that I need to start actually doing these exercises. It will be way more fun than Jazzercise. Let’s let the Cola Sisters explain what Toning For The Tribulations is all about:
Though the entire video is hysterically funny, this final segment on how to exercise during everyday life, followed by a meditation sequence, had me laughing so hard it was almost embarrassing. It’s hard to pick a favorite exercise tip but mine has got to be:
“Dig yourself out of the mass grave (if your lucky enuf to have succesfully played dead and avoided all the machine gun bulets and bayonet stabs – you will work off a lot of calories heaving them other bodies of a you)”
Oh, and by the way, I’m Devon, one of the new Mondo Tees bloggers. Here is a picture of me with Arcie and Shasta so we can make the internet just a little less anonymous.
-Devon
