[I recently bought several packs of film- and tv-related trading cards: everything from Growing Pains to Maverick. I plan to open one pack a week and document every card, sticker, and stick of gum I find. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll discover a hologram or two.]
Full disclosure up front: I haven’t seen Jaws 3-D. For that matter, I haven’t seen Jaws 2, and thought Jaws 1 was just ok the one time I saw it. So, depending on your point of view, I’m either the worst or best person to review a pack of Jaws 3-D trading cards. Given that I have no idea what the plot of Jaws 3-D is, I figured I’d just post the cards in chronological order and tell you what I think the movie is about.
A Topps 44-Card Series - In 3D: The cast of "Jaws 3-D", a terrifying entry in the popular series that boasts dimensional photography and unique special effects.
Ok. A diverse group of water enthusiasts. Other than the dude with a beret, a pretty normal-looking sea-side-living bunch.
Bloody Remains! Kathryn Morgan offers a snack to her friend, the killer whale Shamu.
Hmm. Ok. Didn’t expect to see Shamu. Does part of this movie take place at Sea World?
The New Peril! Kathryn Morgan is shocked to learn that the shark has been transferred to a different tank and may not survive.
Well… there’s another shot that seems to be set in Sea World. That’s strange. Surely the entire movie isn’t water-theme-park based.
Also, I’m pretty sure I can see that dude in the blue gym short’s right ball.
Seeking Human Prey! The horribly mangled body of Shelby Overman is discovered and a startling discovery is made: there's another, even larger shark in the vicinity!
Poor Shelby Overman! Was his (her?) body discovered under that sheet? Pretty convenient for the survivors, though I don’t see how that could possibly be blamed on a shark. There are sharks in this movie, right?
Oh, wait… there’s a shark reference. Apparently there’s an “even larger shark in the vicinity.” Which I presume means the vicinity of Sea World. Not sure how that’s even possible.
Madness and Mayhem! Innocent water skiers are oblivious to the presence of the monster shark..!
Really? REALLY? This movie has a Shark vs. Synchronized Lady Water Skiers scene? Was it a parody? What kind of person would let a shark into Sea World in the first place?
Diverting the Monster! Calvin Bouchard has accidentally allowed the killer shark to enter Sea World!
Oh. A Calvin Bouchard type of person. That jerk.
So after seeing six still images from Jaws 3-D I am thoroughly confused. Partially about the film’s plot, and mostly about how I could have made it 25+ years without knowing that Jaws 3-D was set IN A SEA WORLD! That’s a major cinematic knowledge gap. Thanks for filling it, Topps!
PS: The promised 3-D Viewer? Completely missing from my pack. Who do I call for a refund?
[I recently bought several packs of film- and tv-related trading cards: everything from Growing Pains to Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. I plan to open one pack a week and document every card, sticker, and stick of gum I find. If I'm lucky, maybe I'll discover a hologram or two.]
Many horror fans who were kids in the mid-80s fondly remember Fright Flicks, a short-lived trading card collection that combined stills from (mostly) beloved horror and sci-fi films, lame puns and silly quips, and Ripley’s-style can-you-believe-it? creepy factoids.
The pack I bought contained cards with images from Aliens, Day of the Dead, A Nightmare on Elm Street I, II, & III, Poltergeist, The Fly (1986), Ghostbusters, and Predator:
Of the nine images, my favorite – based on the badass-image/non-sequitur-tagline combo - is the “Okay, Who Took A Bite Out Of My Bran Muffin?”/The Fly card (Card #9). I’ve always been partial to the toungue-in-phone gag from A Nightmare on Elm Street, so Card #8 is a great find for me as well.
The pack also had a striking Fright Night sticker that I’m currently in the process of finding a home for. (One problem with my day job is that I have relatively few occasions to carry a sticker-covered Trapper Keeper):
That's Slimer's chin on the reverse-side puzzle piece
Finally, this pack contained a piece of the ubiquitous Topps chewing gum:
Card-collecting readers of a certain age should get an immediate and powerful sense memory from viewing this image
Although I haven’t had a piece of Topps gum for close to two decades, seeing the stick immediately made my mouth water. Even when fresh, Topps gum wasn’t objectively good. But I remember loving it as a kid because… hey… free gum! Also, it was such an integral part of the card-collecting process (open pack, chew gum, see if you got anything good) that I never even questioned whether it was a good as a stick of Big Red or a chunk of Bazooka Joe (note: it wasn’t).
In the interest of journalistic integrity, I decided to chew the 25-plus-year-old stick while writing this post, and include my thoughts on how it tasted. Like a connoisseur of fine beer, I sniffed the gum before chewing it. I was surprised to discover that it was completely devoid of any discernible odor. I suppose it was made of iocane powder.
Undeterred, I put the gum in my mouth. I expected it to be tough and difficult to chew, but the opposite was true. Within seconds, the gum had completely liquefied, leaving behind a glaze of slightly-thicker-and-sweeter-than-normal saliva in my mouth. I don’t know what the substance was that made Topps gum chewy, but it apparently self destructs in less than two-and-a-half decades.
If I die in my sleep, please bury me under this tombstone:
Best. Epitaph. Ever.
If you remember buying Fright Flicks, let me know your favorite cards or memories of collecting them in the comments.
[I recently bought several packs of film- and tv-related trading cards: everything from Growing Pains to Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. I plan to open one pack a week and document every card, sticker, and stick of gum I find.]
We talk about VHS quite a bit here on the blog and today, I’m very excited to review the new VHS for HOUSE OF THE DEVIL. Yes….I said that and I can hardly believe it myself. I’m reviewing a new release VHS!
There are a lot of “throwback” products these days. Lunchboxes, toys, t-shirts with the worn look, etc. Most of them are complete trash, so I’m really going to put the screws to this. I’m actually going to go into my collection and pull some VHS out from that era and compare them to the HOUSE OF THE DEVIL release. Let’s see what we find, shall we?
FRONT COVER
VHS tapes have a long history of amazing covers. Entire books have been written about them and movies were even banned in the UK based just off the imagery on the covers alone(called Video Nasties). To this day, artwork is a MAJOR part of what makes people rent or buy your film. HOUSE OF THE DEVIL understood that and made some of the best poster and box art I’ve seen in a long time. It was even recognized as having the best horror poster of 2009 in Rue Morgue magazine. I really appreciate the fact that they didn’t try to make the art EXTREME or SHOCKING. The people that did this must have a real knowledge and love for the genre.
The HOUSE OF THE DEVIL VHS is packaged in a white clamshell VHS box and has faux weathering on it which I normally despise, but it really works for this project. They added a cool “New Release” sticker on the box like so many other VHS in my collection have, too. Even though they reused the poster art (great choice) the format and layout of the box totally works. They kept everything really simple, didn’t over think it and it came out great.
Here is the VHS next to another big box of DOCTOR GORE. Notice the real wear at the top of DOCTOR GORE compared to the “wear” at the top of HOUSE OF THE DEVIL. From the pictures and even in person, you’d never tell it was designed that way.
Here it is compared to the HALLOWEEN rip-off, THE NIGHT AFTER HALLOWEEN. It totally matches the feel and tone of the old VHS. So far, so good.
BACK COVER
The back cover is inspired as well. There are lots of different styles for back covers and they went with text only which I kind of prefer. Some of my favorite big box VHS’ have went this route, too. Many tapes went with the notion of more is better and threw a shitload of images on the back cover of monsters and women. Don’t get me wrong, that’s cool and all, but I much prefer the simpler text. Also, click on the image to zoom in and read the write up. It’s pretty incredible. There are actually some write ups simliar to this that actually give away the entire movie. So much so, that it will end with a line like, “Then Jim killed the demon and got into his car and rode away. The End.”
As you can see, the back cover is almost exactly like the back cover of DEATH DREAM (minus UPC code). It’s also worth mentioning that they were both released by Gorgon Video which was one of the biggest distributors back in the day. Gorgon still carries a lot of weight and get lots of respect from cinephiles and VHS nerds. I thought that they might’ve put the Gorgon logo on the new tape as an homage, but I think it’s an official release.
ACTUAL VHS
It’s uncanny! I keep on looking for something they slacked on with this and I can’t find it. IT’S JUST NOT THERE. Even the inner label has been recreated EXACTLY, just inversed.
The video played fine all the way through. I was kind of terrified by the thought of them adding in tracking issues or making the image all fucked up, but thankfully, they didn’t. The video is clean. Speaking of Gorgon Video, they even put the old, AMAZING animated Gorgon intro before the movie. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s the video:
I don’t know about you, but watching that TOTALLY puts me in the mood to watch a movie like HOUSE OF THE DEVIL. The only thing better than the Gorgon Video intro was the 80’s HBO intro. I swear to you that the music in the HBO intro is WAY more inspiring than anything in ROCKY. I want it played at my wedding, funeral and at any other major even in my life. Rant over.
SPINE
When I pulled it out of the package this afternoon, the first thing I thought was, how will this look next to other titles on the shelf? Observe:
It’s totally legit. I guess if I had a bitch at all about the VHS, it’s that I would’ve liked to see the Gorgon logo on the back of the tape instead of the spine, but that’s like saying I’d like 2 cherries on my sundae instead of just 1. The fact that I’m reviewing a new release VHS in 2010 has not been lost on me. It’s kinda unbelievable this exists. The final test…this VHS in with the general population!
FINAL THOUGHTS
This is a dream come true. I did NOT expect this thing to be as quality as it is. From it being a Gorgon release to the design to the goddamn inner label, this thing is perfect. You’ve seen the pics….it totally goes toe to toe with almost any video in my collection and it looks great on the shelf. I hope they sell a billion of these so that maybe Gorgon can start putting out limited runs of VHS tapes for movies in the old style. I know I’d buy them. If MOON came out on VHS with a cool sci-fi case or something like that, I’m in line. Speaking of selling a billion, you can help with that. We’ve actually had a lot of people asking where they can get one and I just looked on Amazon and you can get the DVD and this VHS for only $23.99. Click HERE to buy. That’s pretty nuts. A truly great deal.
Seriously, even if you don’t have a VCR, be ironic and buy this….this is one of my favorite things this year, for sure.
Poster by Tyler Stout. 24″x 36″ screen print. Hand numbered. Edition of 450. $40
THE MONSTER SQUAD VARIANT
Poster by Tyler Stout. 24″x 36″ screen print. Hand numbered. Edition of 120. $80
Tyler Stout is back with this amazing poster to the 80’s classic, THE MONSTER SQUAD. Last weekend, the Alamo Drafthouse screened the film with cast members in attendance including writer/director Fred Dekker. During the Q and A session, Fred Dekker proclaimed that this poster was the best piece of art ever created for the film! High praise indeed considering the original THE MONSTER SQUAD posters are beautiful themselves.
We have very limited numbers of these posters left, so buy now!
We also printed up a special batch of the shirt Andre Gower wore in the movie. These are printed on super soft American Apparel shirts. Supplies are limited as we almost sold out of these at last week’s show.
THE OTHER HELL is the U.S. title for L’ALTRO INFERNO (1981), a nunsploitation flick directed by prolific Italian genre director Bruno Mattei (credited on the back of VHS box as Stefan Oblowsky) and co-written by Mattei and Claudio Fragasso (he of TROLL 2 fame). Interestingly, Mattei and Fragasso were shooting a second nunsploitation film – THE TRUE STORY OF THE NUN OF MONZA (1980) – at the same time, in the same building, and using most of the same cast and crew.
The Other Hell - Full Artwork
THE OTHER HELL infamously features a scene where a nun boils a baby to death. But don’t worry… the baby gets even:
Goblin provided THE OTHER HELL’s score, albeit inadvertently: Mattei and Fragasso lifted most of it from Joe D’Amato’s BEYOND THE DARKNESS (1979). Still, it’s put to good use, as seen here (wait for the catchy groove to kick in at the 30-second mark):
This VHS was released by Inter-Light Video, and primarily uses just four colors (white, black, blue, and reddish-orange) to achieve a simplistic but striking end product. The blood-splattered nun in the bottom right corner is clearly terrified, and I like that it’s unclear whether the nun in the center of the box shares – or is the source of – that terror. The lightning bolt off the tip of the enlarged sword is another nice touch. Incidentally, the artist’s depiction of the terrified nun is a fairly accurate rendition of the source material, as shown below:
The Other Hell - Nun Comparison
More information about THE OTHER HELL can be found at the excellent (but NSFW) Nunsploitation.net.
Returning to the poster series is horror aficionado, Alex Pardee! Pardee decided that since the original TREMORS poster was a nod to the JAWS poster, he would do his version as a nod to the JAWS 2 poster. This poster is printed on black paper and is 9 colors!
Poster by Alex Pardee. Approximately 24″x36″ screen print on black paper. 9 COLORS! Signed and numbered by the artist. Edition of 100. Printed at D&L Screen Printing in Seattle, WA.
BASKET CASE is one of Alex Pardee’s all time favorite films and for good reason! This is Frank Hennenlotter’s masterpiece. Not all horror fans have good taste, but Alex’s is impeccable.
Poster by Alex Pardee. 24″x36″ screen print. Signed and numbered by the artist. Edition of 100. Printed by D&L Screen Printing in Seattle, WA.
If you’ve seen a picture of Alex Pardee at a gallery show in the last 15 years, there is a 99% chance that he was wearing a BASKET CASE shirt. Well, that shirt has been officially retired and this is his NEW BASKET CASE shirt of choice…after all, he designed it!
UPDATE: If any posters or shirts remain after the signing on December 1st, they will be made available to our online fans on December 2nd.
We are thrilled to announce that world famous artist and horror aficionado Alex Pardee will be at the Terror Tuesday screening of TREMORS Tuesday, December 1st at the Alamo Ritz. TREMORS is one of Pardee’s favorite movies and he is flying in to watch it and to also sign the new BASKET CASE and TREMORS posters he did for us IN PERSON before the show! The signing will start at 7pm and end at 8:30pm, so get there early as these posters are super limited!
Alex also did a crazy shirt for BASKET CASE that will also be released at the Tremors show on December 1st. Alex’s signings are always memorable (and sometimes blood soaked), so if you miss this, you obviously hate fun.
Alamo Drafthouse Cinema
320 E 6th Street
Austin, TX 78701
P.S. You can also read Pardee’s far superior blog posts about the event HERE and HERE.
Lots of new stuff for sale today. Let’s get right into it!
When we had the idea to create a poster for STREET TRASH, we knew we needed someone that was 1. a fan of the horror genre and 2. someone that could tackle the imagery and color palette of the film. So, who better to do it than Rue Morgue artist Ghoulish Garry Pullin?! Raise your Tenafly high and salute this poster!
Ghoulish Garry Pullin. 24″x”36″ screen print. Hand numbered. Printed by D&L Screen Printing. Edition of 70.
Not only are we putting the STREET TRASH poster out today, we’re putting out this incredible shirt! Check out the back:
We are so proud to offer this shirt celebrating one of the grimiest movies EVER to come out of New York….therefore putting it in the running for grimiest movie in the world! The front of the shirt features the aftermath of a shot of Tenafly Viper expertly illustrated by Jon Vermilyea.
We’re also proud to be releasing this new shirt…STORMS WARNING!
Thunder, Lightning and Rain…THE THREE STORMS. Without a doubt, the hardest dudes in the Chinatown underworld. The only one more diabolic is the dark, all seeing overlord trapped in time searching for his true love that can bring him back to youthful prominence.
FULL MOON HIGH (1981), a little-seen jock-turned-werewolf flick, starred Adam Arkin (most recently seen as the divorce lawyer in A SERIOUS MAN), and featured Ed McMahon (as his film dad), Alan Arkin (his real-life dad), and Roz Kelly (who I know better as Pinky Tuscadero).
The film pre-dated the better-known werewolf-as-high-school-athlete movie TEEN WOLF by a good 4 years. And, it was directed by a personal hero of mine, Larry Cohen, just after It Lives Again (1978), and just before Q: The Winged Serpent (1982). Here’s a clip.
Sadly, although this movie is widely available on VHS, it was never released on DVD.
This movie achieves that rare distinction of being a family friendly “horror” movie that is more purely enjoyable than most genuine bleeders. It mixes a bunch of horror elements together including zombies, vampires and ghosts, it builds an entertaining story around a few simple ideas, and most importantly it nails the tone of frightening fun that really evokes the Halloween spirit I remember from being a kid. Halloween isn’t grim or vulgar. But it isn’t exactly safe either. This is a key distinction for what separates the type of movie I think of as being good for Halloween from those that are just straight-up good horror movies. It’s got to have chills, but it’s got to be fun. “The Midnight Hour” does both very well. I try to watch it every October.
Halloween III: Season of the Witch
Unfairly maligned over the years, I think this movie has finally started to find an audience of appreciative fans. But sometimes it’s hard to judge how people feel outside my immediate circle of friends, so if you still think of this movie as “the lame one that doesn’t have Michael Myers in it,” get with it! This is by far the best of the series after the untouchable first. If only John Carpenter’s movie had been a little less lucrative maybe they would have followed through with their plan to release a different, unrelated Halloween-themed movie every year instead of banking on the dwindling creative returns earned by trotting out poor old Michael Myers and getting him involved with such lamentable movie sink-holes as the Cult of Thorn and Busta Rhymes. This one stars Tom “Thrill Me” Atkinson as a disgruntled doctor investigating a sinister plot involving children’s Halloween masks. The truth behind the mystery is so outrageously absurd that I won’t spoil it for those who haven’t ever watched this (or read Wiley’s blogpost lower down on the page). All I’ve got to say is check it out. This one is unique.
Hauntedween
Here it is guys, the last good slasher of the golden age. Made in 1991, just as slasher movies were briefly falling out of fashion for the few years before “Scream” and its slick, soulless, disaffected and ironic progeny were flushed out, forever clogging the plumbing of the slasher horror film, “Hauntedween” stands as a final glistening example of a genre now unable to authentically function without falling back on shallow tribute, over-stylization and an unbearable lack of innocence or sincerity. Who knows what secret hopes or ambitions writer-director Doug Robertson may have placed in this, his only movie. But it has the relaxed feeling of someone just playing around, having fun making the type of movie they enjoy. No one is trying to prove anything here. It’s wonderful. A movie like this cannot be made today. It comes not only at the tail-end of the cycle of slasher films that dominated the 80’s, but it belongs to another breed of vanished cinema as well. It’s representative of the type of regional exploitation filmmaking that flourished in the 60’s and 70’s (the region being Bowling Green, Kentucky in this case) and enjoyed its final days of decent distribution and profitability during the great mom ‘n pop home video boom before being cornered out of the market by studio-sanctioned “independent” movies. There is no longer a market for something this sloppy, amateurish, delightful or whole-hearted. The plot involves a bunch of college kids putting on a haunted house only to be terrorized by a maniac who lived in the house when he was young. Pretty standard stuff but totally enjoyable and full of rich Halloween atmosphere. Don’t let movies like this be forgotten.
